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Countless guides to London and British culture for American tourists have been published, but none addresses, as this one does, how frightened and confused the typical Brit becomes in the face of a Yank being ironic. Or the British TV’s audience’s voracious appetite for programs called, for instance, The Woman With Three Wrists or The Man Who Gave Birth to Himself.  Or how British estate agents use reflexive pronouns (myself, yourself) to butter up prospective clients.

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If there’s one thing the Brit enjoys even more than ridiculing Americans’ inability to correctly pronounce place names like Gloucester without every having heard them pronounced, it’s reveling in his or her own candor. At least 25 percent of all sentences uttered in the United Kingdom begin either with, “If I’m being honest…” or the rather wonderful “I won’t lie.” As though there were some presumption to the contrary! 

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The British have to a great extent repudiated the class system, but it flourishes in their supermarkets. Americans are accustomed to seeing lower-priced store brands, in addition to the ordinary stuff, but the UK adds another layer, above the ordinary stuff. Tesco calls it Finest, and Sainsbury’s Taste the Difference. In addition to its ordinary overpriced fare, Waitrose offers its deluxe Prove You’re Posh by Buying This line.

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Buy it and enjoy your visit to Britain a treat, as the locals themselves might say.

USA $5  UK £4  CANADA $6  EU €4

Paypal: jnmfiction@gmail.com

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